I was reflecting on this yesterday, and I think it’s worth saying out loud (so to speak) because I wish someone had said it to me in my marriage.* If you’re in a relationship and you EVER find yourself thinking, “I’m not going to say/do anything to stick up for myself in this situation because the fallout will be worse than what I’m going through right now” (where the fallout is hitting, yelling, belittling, mockery, name-calling, the silent treatment, or anything other than normal, civil disagreement) please hear me say this: that is not a thought you have in a healthy relationship. That is not a normal thought even and especially if it feels completely normal to you at this point. Please talk to someone about it, preferably a good therapist, but even a good friend can help reinforce for you that it isn’t OK and you need to do whatever it takes to stop living and feeling that way.
*Actually, now that I think about it, my friend Suzi did say something like this to me. We were having tea, and I told her something my ex said to me (don’t remember what it was anymore, honestly and thank God), and she shook her head sadly and said, “That’s not something you say to your beloved.” That sentence, along with my sister labeling something my ex said to me as emotional abuse, were two major triggers that finally got me to stop fighting for reconciliation after my ex abandoned me and to realize that I was better off out of that relationship.
The Rookery 