If I were to become a purveyor of those fancy candles with esoteric smells like “Trapeze Artist” that they’re making these days…for sure one of mine would be called “Feed Store.” Actually, even better would be “Tack Shop”—all that leather and Murphy’s Oil Soap and neatsfoot oil…. (The Tack & Feed combo, that’s olfactory heaven right there as far as I’m concerned.)
But it’s not just all the warm, comforting grain and molasses aromas that make a feed store great. A feed store *always* has way more than feed in it. Of course you’ll find all sorts of animal care products (some of my rancher friends swear by Mane & Tail conditioner for their own hair BTW) and often actual animals, like baby chicks or ducks peeping away in feed troughs padded with straw and warmed with heat lamps. But then you’re 100% guaranteed to also run into some random stuff that the owners thought was a hoot, like penny candy, those brain-twister puzzles made out of old horseshoes, really good salve for your hands, great sun hats, and aprons with cartoon horses on them saying, “Howdy NEIGHbor….”
The people who run feed stores are invariably friendly in my experience and usually women: this may explain why the guys who carry the feed to your car are invariably hot; then again it may not because who doesn’t appreciate a hot feed-carrying guy? The people-watching in the store is equally primo. I promise you there will be a couple of guys in there with way more good stories than teeth; there will be a hipster couple in trendy glasses nervously picking out their first chicks. There will be a barrel-racing queen, a pair of dudes whose furtive manner make you wonder exactly what they’re growing out on their farm, and a grandma who’s just in there to socialize on a weekend. Today when I went to the feed store the bumper stickers in the parking lot were on point, too. There was one that said, “Four out of the 5 voices in my head said it was a good idea,” and a Toyota FJ had a sticker that boasted, “Powered by the thrust of 340 llamas.”
So the next time you’re at loose ends, find your local feed store and pay a visit. You won’t be sorry. And I guarantee you will come home with something you always needed but didn’t know it until you went in there. Like a Chick Magnet for your fridge. Hypothetically speaking, that is.
The Rookery 