Half-hour Bolognese

I realize 3 Italian grandmas just rolled over in their graves at that title. But sometimes I’m in the mood for bolognese and have neither an Italian grandma nor 8-12 hours to poke solicitously at a pot simmering away on the back burner. This sauce came together on a Friday night in the time it took some delicata squash rings to crisp up on a sheet pan in a 400°F oven (after breading in pepper, parmesan, parsley, and panko).

The keys to faking it here are (a) microwaving the veg to break down the starches before they go into the skillet, and (b) ramping up the meaty and umami components of the sauce that would normally be brought to the foreground via a long simmer.

• 8 oz. 80% lean ground beef: I used grassfed, which is a bit gamey, and that’s what you want. So if you only have cornfed beef, sub in maybe 25% lamb, venison, elk, or wild boar. Or reindeer perhaps–I don’t know your life, as the Fug Girls like to say.
• 1 slice smoked bacon (pork belly), diced
• 14 oz. can whole or diced tomatoes: ish. Your mileage may vary depending on how saucy you like your sauce or how hot you simmer, how dry the air is, etc. I’m lazy, so I use diced tomatoes, but smashing the whole ones is recommended for texture.
• 1/2 oz. dried mushrooms soaked in 1 C boiling water for 10 minutes: or whatever time you’ve got. I microwaved them in cold water for 2 minutes and let them sit for 10. DO NOT drain (yet).
• 1/2 C red wine
• 1/2 smallish white or yellow onion, diced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 medium carrot, diced: I scrub and leave the skin on for flavor.
• 1/2 T gochujang: told you.
• 1/2 T tomato paste
• 1/2 t ground black pepper
• 1/2 t dried basil
• 1/4 t ground cinnamon
• 1/2 t salt plus more to taste
• 2 T heavy cream

1. put onion and carrot in a microwave-safe lidded container and microwave on high until slightly softened (1 minute in mine)
2. In a medium skillet, brown beef and bacon together on medium heat until crisp and the fat is rendered out, about 10 minutes. Remove meat with slotted spoon to bowl and set aside.
3. Fry microwaved vegetables in fat until they start to caramelize, about 5 minutes. Add garlic and stir for 1 minute. Add dried spices and stir for 1 minute. Add gochujang and tomato paste and stir until they start to stick to the bottom of the pan. Deglaze pan immediately with wine, scraping to loosen any brown bits.
4. Strain out the mushrooms from their broth, chop, and add to pan along with 1/2 C of the broth. Add tomatoes (smash into bits with a potato masher if using whole ones) and salt. Simmer for at least 8-10 minutes at whatever temperature it takes to get a thick consistency on the sauce. Add more broth if it gets too dry.
5. Stir in cream and ladle over cooked egg noodles, topping with grated parmesan. Serves 2.